Thursday, January 27, 2011

The Blue Mountain Beer Guards first Battle Report

                                                            Sgrimli’s last stand.
Sgrimli Broken Axe has retreated to Dulk Hulm the last fortress of the Blue Mountain Beer Guards. Their job is to protect the vast hoards of fine ales and mead only they know the recipes for.
Other creatures are always seeking after their novelties often resulting in a fight.
This time its goblins. They seem to have woken up a dragon and it must have been thirsty so the goblins grouped together to decide in the end after lots of grunting and whacking each other they came up with a plan they would attack the Blue Mountain Beer Guards stronghold where they keep a stash of their precious beer (Goblins were really not very smart they had no idea it was blood the dragon was after). Surely that much alcohol would stay the dragons temper?
So they managed to gather together 67 goblins (Goblins are afraid of even numbers).
They are led by Gillgutz spikyshield (Goblin Captain with bow and shield) an especially brutal goblin he brought along his brother Finzygorssel fresner (Goblin Shaman) to the battle, who in turn brought his mate Tind (Cave troll with goblin in its hand (hand weapon) and chain).
Now they approached the dragon that was busy feasting on a strange gangly creature that kept making strange noises with it throat. The strange thing’s bones had got stuck in the Dragons throat and he was not happy he snatched up a couple of Goblins and ate them before he realized they were shouting at him to stop. He looked down at them and roared, quickly there leader stepped forward and explained there plan (Just saying they had found a fortress with lots of dwarves with drinks).
The Dragon was very pleased and decided to come along he hadn’t tasted Dwarf for so long.

“Sgrimli look!” shouted a lieutenant; Findi shouted in an alarming tone, “I see goblins and a cave troll approaching from the north and… Eru save us it’s a Dragon!”
“Oh dear,” whispered Sgrimli, then gathering his strength he called the forces to their battle positions.
Dwarf Rangers with strong longbows lined the cliffs specially trained to pierce the weak parts on any beast’s armour.
Some Dwarf warriors with sturdy little bows climbed to the heights of a tall tower overlooking the battle field allowing them to shoot at anything (infinite range as they’re so high up).
Then a square formation was formed protecting the door with shielded warriors at the front and two handed axe Dwarves guarding the flanks. At the centre of the formation stood Sgrimli and his friend Dîn Agar an archer of Dale and a young Dwarf (72) by the name of Brygar who held the banner aloft proudly for all to see. Guarding the doorway itself stood an indomitable team of vault wardens. Further inside the fortress there were an additional 4 archers on a ledge at the back and a line of throwing axe Dwarves behind more brave Dwarves ready to hurl there blades at anything that got through the door alive.
All together the Dwarves had a force of 49 Dwarves and 1 Man.
“The vile greenies outnumber us heavily” bellowed Sgrimli “But do we care?” An answering crescendo of No We Don’t! came back from the assembled army. “That’s right for we are Dwarves we fight to defend more than are homelands more than are hairy Dwarf woman even more than are Tall Man friends, No we fight for much more than that we fight for our BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!!!! WHO ARE WE DWARVES WHO ARE WE?”
“WE’RE THE BLUE MOUNTAIN BEER GUARDS AND WE WILL NEVER BE DEFEATED!”, Screamed the brave bearded beer-lovers.
At this the goblins shivered in terror and made to run but one look at the dragon’s hungry face made them stop in their tracks.  They marched onwards silently dreading the battle to come. Meanwhile the Dragon was still trying to cough up the remains of the bony creature.
When they finally arrived on the battle field they found the dwarves ready and waiting staring silently at the green menaces. They looked back again but the dragon was as persistant as ever licking its lips with pure delight.
Turn 1 Priority Dwarves
So the goblins began to cross the river though 11 of them are rather terrified of the dark murky depths and are pushed under and drowned by their comrades. A further 14 of the goblins make it right across preparing for combat on the other side the rest make it halfway across the stream before taking a rest(I don’t know how they can rest in water either but they did).
The Dragon approaches the edge of the river and lines up the giant chasm that is his fiery mouth at a few rangers on the cliffs who swiftly climb out of harm’s way.
Somehow or rather Dîn Agar’s bow slips as he moves and he ends up randomly firing an arrow into a Goblin shaman hitting it in the under the arm (accidently shot with him in the move phase) it cried out but didn’t die pulling itself together and wrenching out the arrow (For some reason he’s forgotten to switch on Fury :D) The archers all fire off there arrows at the dragon most either miss or bounce off his army (They have to roll first a 3+\4+ then a 6 then a 5+!) But one off the 12 arrows makes it past the dragons defences and pierces him in the chest Fate deserts the dragon and using his mighty scales and sure will force manages to deflect the arrow (He rolls a one on the fate roll and uses 2 Will and 1 might to raise it).
The goblins don’t bother firing any arrows to busy entangling themselves. But the Dragon enraged at the attempt at his life puffs up his chest and prepares to blow out a great ball of flame at Sgrimli but he starts choking horrendously on his earlier meals bones and the flame extinguishes (He rolled a one and all he needed was a two :D).
Turn 2 Priority Goblins
A few more goblins manage to drown in the stream but most make it across to the bank a group of them charges some of the Dwarves making up the square formation but seeing as there was only about 5 of them they are swiftly knocked off a few getting axes slashed into them including a Captain who just manages to avoid getting his arm chopped off using fate.
The goblins begin scaling the cliff easily using the spikes on their armour to cling onto the rock they manage to gang up on a Dwarf ranger they beat him in combat but he isn’t killed and retreats further up the cliffs.
The dragon again tries to send out a jet of flame but he starts coughing again and his retching drowns the flame (Another one :D).
Dîn Agar fires another arrow at the Shaman this time it goes straight through his eye and out the other side almost hitting the creature behind him the Shaman falls dead to the ground blood falling from the large hole drilled through his head.
Sgrimli takes up his throwing axe and makes a serious indent in the troll’s foot he screams with pain and grabs the two nearest Dwarves and smashes their heads together leaving a nothing but a pile of scrap metal. The Dwarves go crazy with rage at this and charge the goblins that all die or are knocked back by this furious onslaught except one rare bit where a Goblin manages to dive under a Dwarf’s shield as he stares at the troll and stab him through the heart with his cruel sword a typical goblin trick. All the rangers arrows fall short of the mark hitting various spots around the dragon making a rather pretty dot to dots.
Turn 3 Priority Goblins
The Goblins on the cliffs charge the previously beaten ranger and one more. One of the rangers is ganged up on and killed by 3 Green abominations. The other Ranger knocks back his assaultents but fails to make a wound again the archers uselessly fire arrows at the ground.
The Dragon prepares to breathe fire but realizes it doesn’t have the will to summon up flame anymore especially with such a sore throat.
The Vault Warden team comes out of the square and charges the troll together stabbing deep into its flesh causing a serious wound but it still doesn’t die. The goblins charge the Dwarves again. The Captain manages to slay a Dwarf but then the Dwarves decapitate 5 Goblins.
Turn 4 Priority Dwarves
The archers fire there arrows high into the sky and 2 of them manage to successfully (Extreme rolling) hit there mark and the Dragon uses all its fate trying to save its toughened hide but it still takes a wound but doesn’t flee.
The goblins prepare to assault the rangers on the rocks again.
And the remaining Goblins are mopped up by Dîn Agar and the Dwarves while Sgrimli charges Gillgutz Spikyshield and cuts his ugly head off holding it up for all to see.
Turn 5 Priority Dwarves
2 Rangers throw there axes into the green messy ranks hearing two screams as they hit their marks. The rest of the Dwarves start marching out of the fortress.  Dîn Agar climbed upon a rock pointed his sword at the dragon and yells something incomprehensible at it. Then draws his bow and shoots an arrow straight into its black eye distracted the dragon roars up on to its hind legs.
Turn 6 Priority Goblins
 4 more Dwarf Rangers Zili Findun Zawger and Bunt fire arrows straight into the weak under belly of the beast then Sgrimli takes up his axe and throws it straight at the dragon it flies through the air twirling round repetitively and then it strikes him straight in his Gaping maw he chokes and coughs up the Gangly creature turns out he just swallowed it whole and it was whacking against the Dragons stomach trying to get out. It quickly scampers off and the Dragon topples to the ground dead as a doorknob.
The Dwarves cheer and 17 of the vile greenies run away hoping not to die. The Throwing axe armed Rangers again strike true taking down another two goblins. The Dwarves charge the last of the goblins heroically defeating 6 of them the Wardens skewering them with their spears and many of them feeling the taste of Dwarvern steel axes. Only 3 Goblins remain who are climbing the Mountain to assault the Rangers not knowing what has happened on the other end of the Battle field.
Turn 7 Priority Goblins
One of the final three goblins runs away.
The Goblins charge a Ranger each one gets knocked back off the cliff and dies while the manages to keep his footing.
Turn 8 Priority Goblins
The Final Goblin; Zawgashr Runs away like Durin I the Deathless himself was after him.
The Dwarves get an Epic Victory only losing 5 brave Beer Guards 2 warriors 3 rangers. The Goblins lose everything except the nineteen goblins that run away including the dragon.
The Dwarves had 166 points less than the Goblins too :D
The points were
I hope you liked this report sorry I couldn’t get pictures half of the models weren’t painted :/ and it wouldn’t have looked very good. I played as the Dwarves obviously and My friend was the Goblins we didn’t use a real GW Dragon but a toy Playmobil one which worked fine, if being a little big.

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